How to Sweeten the Deal with Iran

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How to Sweeten the Deal with Iran. John Kerry and the State Department have been working on a deal with Iran to try and get them not to attain enough enriched uranium to make a bomb, and annihilate Israel and anybody else they don’t like. .

Sometimes just out of the clear blue, a solution shows up. I’m sure Iran is still miffed about those 6 Americans who escaped when the Iranian radicals took 66 other Americans hostage in 1979. Those 6 Americans sneaked out of the country in 1980.

I do think Iran is apt to hold a grudge about such things like maybe 500 or 600 years or so. We’ll wipe out the grudge Iran has about those 6 Americans eluding them.

Six students on a student council at the University of California at Irvine decided that the American flag cannot be flown at the University.

How lucky can we be? Six Americans escaped, and we send in these six University of California at Irvine students to replace them.

Albeit, it’s been 35 years since the originals escaped, and Iran probably wants those same 6 back, but they may not be in the best of health. I haven’t followed those 6 to see if any have died. Iran certainly doesn’t want us to send in a dead hostage.

What we’re talking here are 6 young idiots, I shouldn’t say that, it diminishes who we are trying to appease the Iranians with. Maybe we could lend some worldly air to them by calling the 6 wayfaring strangers.

And they may also already be trained. They don’t like America, so they must like sharia law. I don’t know if any of the 6 are women, but that should go well with them if they are. Rape perpetrators don’t get punished in Iran, the women are punished because they got raped.

Let those 6 take to the streets in Iran to exalt their new country. Meanwhile the Iranian radicals (they are still there. Well maybe not them, but their kids and grandkids) seeing Americans in their streets may not care too much about how they have adapted, and behead them or burn them or subject them to 1,000 lashes or whatever complies with the daily current events. I do hope the 6 arrive in Iran on a good day, because what I have just outlined might be good compared to what tomorrow holds.

When Kerry suggests those 6 go to Iran, I do think he should forgive their student loans, or pay them off with funds from the State Department.

There is another huge advantage in doing this. If they were to remain here and graduate from the University of California at Irvine, that would be 6 more people to add to the unemployment rolls. I don’t exactly agree with the Labor Department with the unemployment rates they put out, but I do believe if the 6 are not counted on the unemployment rolls, the unemployment rate will drop from 5.5% to 1.4%. I think that’s the Labor Department’s new math. It’s not calculus 101; it’s calculating 101.

This is almost unbelievable. Six for six. How freaky that the number coincides. But you have to be careful in dealing with the Iranians. They don’t trust anybody, especially us.

We’ll have to send pictures of these six in advance. They certainly don’t want any ringers in the bunch, especially CIA operatives posing as dumb students.

Those who are men will probably need to grow a beard first. If there are women among the 6 they will need to wear the traditional outfits, because if they live long enough, they will become muslim women. I think that means they won’t need their drivers’ licenses anymore, because they won’t be driving, and that is the best of the worst that is about to befall them. The worst may be that their Iranian husbands can beat the hell out of them without legal retribution.

Gee, sometimes it is amazing how a complicated problem has such a simple solution.

Does anyone have John Kerry’s phone number? Forget that. I’ll deal with the Iranians direct.

I’ll call Charter and see if my phone service includes Iran. I do need to check to make sure the Iranians can’t ID my phone number. I’m not the most diplomatic person in the world.

 

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