Do You Like Me?

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Do You Like Me? An 11 year-old girl in the fifth grade wrote that to a potential boyfriend, wanting only a yes or no reply. He postponed the decision until he’s eighteen when he knows who he is.

The circle of male friends I had when I was growing up would have gone for more than a yes or no answer.

I’d give you their names as I reveal what they would have written. That could only offer further complications. In our youth, I can tell you their course of action—a committee to tar and feather me for parading their names front and center. Today’s unforgiving and unforgetting social media is the medium for retribution should I tattle on them or rat them out, or whatever it is now. Within 24 hours there would be 5,132 posts telling me how insensitive I am.

Do You Like Me? Here’s what these guys would have written at that age.

“I can like you for a month.” I have other girlfriends waiting.”

“If this is the beginning of a marriage proposal, no.”

“I’ll have to postpone liking you for one day. Meet me behind the trash bin after school tomorrow. Bring your momma’s lipstick. If you’ll kiss me twice, I’ll like you. Once on the lips, and the other on the side of my face. One of my buddies is science and all, and he will want to measure the lip-print on the side of my face, and then measure your lips to make sure it was you kissing me, and not my sister. Do you mind?”

“What kind of a father do you have? I mean if I showed up at your front door as a boyfriend, what would he do? If your frowning father shows up at my front door, I’ll know you forgot to tear up this note.

“Like you? I love you, but I gotta ditch the girlfriend I have now. She’s your best friend. Don’t tell her.”

“My momma hasn’t explained the birds and the bees to me yet. If you know what they are, and will show me, I’ll like you.”

“Your father’s a lawyer. Do I have to sign a contract?”

“My mom’s a girl, so I asked her if I should like you. She said to follow my heart. At the time I was hungry, so I was following my stomach. Do you know how to cook?

“My dad revoked my allowance for three weeks. I didn’t know what revoked was until I didn’t get my allowance this week. Now I know what revoked is. If you’ll buy me a movie ticket this Saturday and a candy bar, I’ll like you. Do we have to sit together at the movie?”

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