Make-Up is Complicated

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Make-Up is Complicated could be a story about the kids who had to make up a day at school because of missing one due to bad weather. This is not about that.

Make-Up is Complicated could be about a fellow who lied to his boss about being sick on Friday when he wanted a long weekend, had remorse, and decided to make up the day by going in on Saturday. This story is not about that.

Make-Up is Complicated is about me driving my wife down to Macy’s, and volunteering to go in with her while she chooses her make-up.

Remember, at my age, I am allowed some aberrations in illogical thinking.

I must say the cosmetics lady at Macy’s was impressive. I think she got up at 3 A. M. for hair-do and make-up. I would have told her she had on nice make-up, but I think that’s illegal. I would have told her she had a nice hair-do, but I think that’s illegal. I would have told her she was very courteous, but I think that’s illegal. When we got ready to leave, I would have told her to have a good day, but I think that’s illegal. So I said, “I was going to tell you all these good things, but I can’t.” She looked at me rather strange.

Fortunately my wife had put all of her old make-up in a plastic bag, and it only became a matter of the cosmetics lady matching what my wife already had, except for her eye-brows. The old cosmetic was too dark, and she wanted something lighter. The cosmetics lady brushed or penciled or something some of the old on my wife’s hand, and then some of her suggested new. My wife stared at it, then stared at it again. That’s clue one. Brace myself. She turns to me.

I have learned never to make an advance comment about make-up or hair-do. Wait for your spouse’s positive question, and say, “Well,…..” If her question is negative, say, “Well,…..” But then she springs that crossfire question on me that is neither positive nor negative.

“What do you think?”

If nothing happens to break the strong external silence, always keep that nugget in your mind you’ve never used before. It may have nothing to do with what your wife asked, but that doesn’t matter. “I’m too old to think young.”

That’s your clue cosmetics lady. Jump in here anytime you feel like it.

My wife stares at me, probably accepting that I am having a senior citizen discount moment.

Just in the nick of time, another Macy’s lady comes up to bring a box of Estee Lauder Youth Dew to add to my wife’s collection, looks at the new eyebrow stuff, and says, “That’s what I wear.”

My wife stares at her, I suspect she’s about to grill her with questions, then says, “I’ll take it.”

My personal disaster is averted. If the men reading this don’t think so, they haven’t logged in enough marriage miles.

You don’t think so. Try this one. I can remember one time telling my wife she looked great. She countered with, “I don’t like my make-up, I don’t like the way the hair lady cut my hair, and my dress doesn’t fit.”

I just didn’t realize the words I was saying were saturated in nitroglycerine before I said them.

There are never any words you can say that carry a concrete guarantee to always be right, because those right words next time used can be wrong.

I’d like to leave you men words of wisdom, but I’m still learning myself.

Pardon me. I have to work on that next nugget for my wife. “The question you asked taken in context of the exponentially aggravated square of the sum of the hypotenuse exposes the calibration of the molecular structure………………”

Make-up is complicated, but keep those nuggets simple.

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