New England Patriots, D. C. Politicians, Deflategate Logic. How can all of these possibly be related?
The New England Patriots May Be On To Something. Somehow in that playoff game against the Colts some air got out of 11 of 12 footballs the Patriots were using in the first half. The halftime score was 17-7 Patriots.
A lotta people are saying the Patriots cheated. Last time I checked, the footballs were switched to normal inflated footballs for the second half, and The Patriots beat the Colts the second half 28-0 for a final score of 45-7.
Nobody knows anything about anything about how it happened, and they don’t know nobody that woulda done such a thing. Reminds me of an alibi one of those guys used when questioned about whether he killed those seven guys in that Valentine Day’s massacre all those years ago. He said something like last time he used his tommy gun it jammed, and he had taken it for repairs, and didn’t have a gun to use.
There is a positive to come out of this alteration of footballs, that is if it was somebody and not the cold, rainy, miserable weather they were having that night. You get the weather cold enough, the ball becomes somewhat frozen itself, and you’re better off heaving it like a shot put rather than trying to spiral it downfield. The kicker and punter also chance breaking their feet on that chuck of ice disguised as a football, and if they’re in the Super Bowl, their kicking and punting proficiency go down considerably.
If somebody did it, we need to find him, and give him a medal for what he is about to do. Go down to Washington, D. C. and take some air out of those politicians. You see them standing up in that empty House or Senate chamber making a speech for the purpose of entering it in the Congressional Record.
If you haven’t noticed lately, the axis of the earth is out of kilter, because the Congressional Record has weighted down the earth so much, I’m surprised we haven’t all slid downhill straight into D. C.
Maybe there is more this fellow can do. If he can drain enough air out of the politicians, when they get on TV and start to expound upon their theories, words don’t come out of their mouths. TV being TV won’t keep the camera on them more than 3 ½ seconds if they can’t say anything. I think they call that dead air. Dead air also occurs when the politicians who have been in D. C. a long time, and who are trying to give a speech are actually dead, but no one has discovered it yet. That’s another story for another day.
And those campaigns they wage to get re-elected, I’m now talking about the live ones. Some air drained from their lungs would be a blessing. “I promise……..” would be all they could say.
What the media has not done is to try and come up with simple, logical explanations about what really happened to the footballs for them to lose a pound or two. The officials had already checked them over, put their mark on them, and returned them to the teams’ locker rooms fifteen or twenty minutes before the game started. I think the NFL should look into these possibilities.
An elephant broke into the locker room, and sat on the footballs. He also hung around until the end of the game, and ate all the food they put out on a buffet table for the team.
The gal who did the Carl Jr. commercial walked through the Patriots’ locker room right before the game, and one of the players, trying to get a better look, lost his balance, and landed on the footballs. What would you do if you were a football or eleven footballs and a 300-pound guy fell on you? You’d lose some weight or pounds per square inch as they call it. Maybe that’s what Coach Belichick was talking about in one of his press conferences when he talked about the footballs attaining equilibrium.
Lightning struck the footballs, in the locker room, in extremely cold weather, and it didn’t hit anything else.
A thief stole 11 footballs and replaced them. He was going for the 12th football, but stopped long enough to make a selfie to put on social media, and was about to be caught and fled, because he knew if he got out of the locker room sight unseen, he would never be caught.