A Solution for Ferguson


A Solution for Ferguson. That’s Ferguson, Missouri in case you’ve been canoeing down the Amazon River for a while, and your iPhone wasn’t working.

A couple of forward notes here.

During the rioting, and looting, and burning in Ferguson the National Guard called to order by the governor was there, but they weren’t there, at least where all the rioting, and looting, and burning were occurring. Maybe I missed them on TV. We know how that all worked out.

Now a federal judge has sided with protestors who filed a lawsuit, and said the police or their officials thereof have to allow a reasonable chance for the protestors to disburse before they use tear gas or other chemical agents. We know how that’s all going to work out.

But wait, you might not have read the words closely enough. A reasonable chance. What is reasonable?

I think the Ferguson police should report for work tomorrow, and sit down in their precinct, all of them. When asked what they’re doing, they can say they are giving the protestors a reasonable chance to disburse.

When questioned by TV reporters as to what they consider reasonable, they should say they will be at the precinct for two weeks, but will not be out on the streets, and that should be reasonable.

They shouldn’t stop there. They should hire an actor, put him in a police uniform, and take his picture for posters that say, “You won’t see me for two weeks. I consider that reasonable.” The posters should be nailed to every public post they can find.

They should appeal to the public nationwide for funds to put that message up on billboards.

They should have their phones go to a recorded message when anyone calls, a message that says they are being reasonable.

At the end of the two weeks, I predict there will be one brick from one building, the total of what remains of Ferguson. But you must remember, I am an optimist.

The police have been out in the trenches, so to speak, where it all went down. I imagine the only trench the judge has ever been around is one he might have had someone to dig if his yard was at a lower elevation than the adjoining land, and he was creating a drain for the rainfall to keep his land from flooding. But he doesn’t mind opening the flood gates on everyone else.

I feel sorry for the protestors at Ferguson, and any place else where they have chosen Michael Brown as their poster boy. Their hero. Stupid me. I would have chosen Joe Louis, or Jesse Owens or the Tuskegee Airmen, or in the modern era I believe it’s MLK’s niece. I can’t remember her name, but she is a pastor, and has said some of the most sensible things I’ve ever heard. If she organizes a peaceful protest, I’m sure it will be for the right reasons. Count me in.

The Ferguson police should submit to said federal judge their course of action once their hiatus of two weeks is over. Might I make suggestions of catch phrases they can ask the judge to approve when they again deal with protestors.

“Could you please not do that.”

“Shame on you.”

“Thou shalt not steal.”

“Please don’t turn the police car over and burn it.”

“Does your parole officer know what you’re doing?”

“Do any of you work?”

I almost forgot. When you send in donations for the billboards designating the police are being reasonable, would you include a dollar extra per donation. The police will have to go down to Home Depot to buy some lumber to board up their precinct just in case anyone hurls a Molotov cocktail.

I also forgot one phrase the police should get the judge to okay.

“Would you please put down that AK-47, the one you stole during the rioting, and looting, and burning?”


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