The Naked Truth?


Sharon Osbourne naked? What? I had to find out her age. I generally go to my antique encyclopedia when I have any doubt about somebody’s age, George Washington, Napoleon, etc. Sharon Osbourne is 63.

There Sharon is standing naked in her bathroom in a selfie with black lines over the top and bottom of her body. She’s reportedly expressing support for Kim Kardashian, who must have been having a slow money day, and decided to put out a selfie naked picture, with black lines, of her in the bathroom. What is that, the 50,000,000th almost naked picture of her? I can’t keep up.

I know you can’t believe everything you see on the Internet, so whether this is true or not I have no idea. Kim’s husband Kanye West is broke. That was one supposition. Another was that he was $50 mil in debt. Another contention was that he would leave the States if Donald Trump were elected President.

Surely he and Kim have been scoping out places to go when they leave the States. They have an unusual way of naming their kids. I can’t remember, maybe it’s where they happen to be when the kid is conceived. I was checking to see if there latest kid is named Antarctica.

If all that about Kanye’s money problems is correct, their next kid may be named Bankrupt.

When I was first born, my Mom was frightened when she looked at me naked, and vowed I would never be seen naked again. Actually while I was in the hospital, they didn’t put me with the other babies. I had my own separate room—in a wing of the hospital that hadn’t been opened to the public yet.

My Mom became very adept at changing diapers in the middle of the night with no lights on. If it was day time, she had a closet where she closed the door and changed my diapers.

A few years ago I was in the hospital. If you wish to test the outer limits of nakedness, a hospital is a good place to do it. You have on that gown that ties in the back, and the nurses only ever tie that top one. The lower ties are left to the whims of hopefulness, and there is no clothing underneath.

I told a nurse one day about my modesty over being naked, and she went and got some adhesive tape. It felt like she ran a couple of strips of tape across my behind.

That was preferable to the gown being tied in front, and having to worry about the tied gown covering my lower extremities, and not being sure of that, and asking her to run a couple of pieces of adhesive tape across my lower extremities. Regardless of how careful anyone is in applying adhesive tape there is always that personal skin contact with the tape, and when they ripped the tape away from my lower extremities, I would have felt the extreme need to holler.

What I didn’t know is that there are different degrees of adhesive tape. The two strips the nurse ran across my back side must have been the super adhesive.  When another nurse came in to give me a shot in my rear end, she had to rip the two strips of adhesive tape away. I must say the feeling was like none I have ever had before, and the only thing that kept me from running down the hall yelling bloody murder was that I thought some of the other patients might die of a heart attack and their death certificate would have listed under cause of death—me.

Whatever happened to women wearing just a little to entice a man? I guess I’m behind the times, like maybe that concept went out of style along about the time of the Continental Congress.

Has Kim Kardashian shown everything except what is hidden behind the black lines in her latest picture? I have no idea. But her next slow money day may require the removal of the black lines, and the subsequent revealing of everything to everybody. Hey, wasn’t she on a TV commercial during the last Super Bowl? She can reveal everything on the next Super Bowl. They could run that right after they run the Budweiser ad and the lost puppy. Two class ads back to back.

Once she’s all naked in front of everybody, what does she have left to show, her intellect?

What do we have to look forward to, a picture of Sharon Osbourne naked at 100, and Kim naked at 70?  I’m not sure but by then they might need a smidgen of air-brushing and retouching of the pictures.

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