What or Whom Would You Stand in Line For?


Every time there’s a new iPhone, there are long lines waiting to buy it. Both iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus were no different. I do believe some of these people would stand out in a blizzard with the temp forty below in shirt sleeves for a month or two for the privilege of plucking down their money on the first day.

I don’t quite understand the attraction. I haven’t heard that a guaranteed winning $5MMMM lottery ticket was hidden in one of the new iPhones nationwide, or worldwide, or on Howland Island where Amelia Earhart was supposed to land mid-Pacific. She didn’t find it, but I guess one of the phone fanatics is now in a canoe rowing for that destination to be the first to buy the iPhone 7 when iPhone announces the opening of their new store there.

Do their iPhone 5’s quit working at midnight preceding the five or six A. M. the store will open? Have they thrown their iPhone 5’s in the trash and reported to their insurance companies they lost them, and seek reimbursement only to discover they have a $500 deductible on their homeowners’ insurance?

And what do these people do for a living? I could have just seen me explaining my mania to my boss. “Boss, if you ever again want to reach me during those ridiculous off-hours when you say something must be done critically, you won’t be able to. My iPhone 5 quit working, I threw it in the trash, and I’ve got to get me an iPhone 6 today, immediately if not sooner.”

There are people I would have stood in line for.

The lady who is my wife, I stood in line for her. Well, sorta. It was high school, and she could only date on Friday and Saturday nights. I was the 24th fellow. That means twelve weeks into my efforts on a Saturday night, I got that date. Exactly what I could do to show her she was better off with me than the preceding 23 I wasn’t sure.

My job at the grocery store on Friday afternoon, Friday night, and all day Saturday until 7:00 P. M. left me little strategic moments, but I did take her to a downtown movie on that privileged Saturday night. That was a good move because she remarked about two or three of the previous 23 taking her to our small town local theatre, which was totally unimpressive.

Then I made my boldest move of all. I asked her if she could have dinner (remember dinner is in the middle of the day, and supper is at night), and that we would be finished in time for a movie, and she could be home by 5:00 P. M. to study for her school homework. She consented to ask the committee—her father, her mother, and her sister. Well, she didn’t ask her sister, but whatever my wife-to-be got away with, her sister at the appropriate time would ask for.

After toiling away taking out sacks and sacks of groceries at the A&P Store, I had the large amount of $15. Quit laughing. I know today you would probably splash a $100 on a date, but back then $15 got me through my Saturday night movie and the Sunday meal and Sunday afternoon movie, and I still had money in my pocket to start the week.

Well, I bumbled my way through the whole dating process, not being very articulate at moments I wished I had been. You must remember I had at that time not written the 14,275, 133 words I now have written, and if I had written any of them by then, I could have transferred them to speech, and sounded intelligent, well, somewhat literate.

I would have stood in line to meet Joe DiMaggio, a true gentleman of the game, and a true gentleman. Whether the reports are true or not demands verification, but Joe supposedly got miffed at the way Hollywood treated Marilyn during the time they were shortly married.

I would not have stood in line to meet Marilyn Monroe.

I stood in line to meet Coach Bryant. Actually it was my daughter and I. He had come to a local bookstore to sign his book. He signed it with a nice note after she explained the circumstances.

I would have stood in line to meet Reggie Jackson, but I didn’t have to. One of his stops in the minors was in our town. They had fan day. Reggie was standing in centerfield alone. Integration was in the throes of taking hold, and I imagine that was still in the back of his mind. I can tell you something. After the gracious conversation my son and I had with him, we followed his career closely. We were probably as proud of those three home runs he hit in that World Series game as he was.

I would have stood in line to go to the premiere of “Gone With the Wind”. One problem. I was too young. Two of my sisters wangled tickets from somebody. There was a huge crowd at the Loews’s Grand Theatre in Atlanta on that 1939 night, including Clark Gable and his wife Carol Lombard. Carol was not in the movie but should have tried out for Scarlett, everybody else did. At last report the number of people who claimed they saw the movie that night matches the debt the U. S. of A. is in at the moment. More than likely someone is not telling the truth. I doubt the theatre seated more than a couple of thousand at most.

Most celebrities I wouldn’t stand in line to meet. I would have done it for Eddy Arnold and Charles Kuralt and Johnny Mack Brown. They were nice enough to respond to my letters.

I would stand in line to meet St. Peter at the Gates, provided I get there.

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