Will You Volunteer to be Killed by ISIS?

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I have a solution for the Syrian refugee crisis.

America is the most humanitarian country in the world. I know not anyone who does not feel genuinely sorry for the Syrian refugees who have fled conditions more horrific than any of us have ever known.

There is one problem. ISIS will infiltrate those Syrian refugees coming to the United States. Military people have told us that. Let me repeat that because apparently there are some who completely ignore that fact when wishing for the Syrian refugees to come to our country. ISIS will infiltrate those Syrian refugees.

There will not have to be many ISIS-inclined to do major damage. There were only two in the San Bernardino shooting with the woman, from reports, persuading her husband into radical terrorism. Now the FBI says they don’t know. Maybe both of them were radicalized. There weren’t that many more radical Islamic terrorists that killed over 3,000 people on 9/11.

What can be done to allow the good Syrian refugees into our country without having to worry about the ISIS infiltration?

I propose to make a deal with those Isis heathens. Can they be trusted? I doubt it, but we must try.

Here is what I propose. I ask that all those who think ISIS will not infiltrate the innocent Syrian refugees coming to this country to send me your name and address. You will be my volunteers.

There will be two conditions for the agreement with ISIS, one on either side. As for us, we will demand that ISIS not infiltrate the Syrian refugees coming to our country. That way those tortured Syrian souls, men, women, and children, will be able to resettle in our country without fear, because the American people are not afraid of them, the American people are afraid of ISIS.

The one concession I propose for ISIS not infiltrating the Syrian refugees coming to our country, we will give them the volunteers, the ones who are convinced ISIS will not infiltrate the Syrian refugees.

I do appreciate the fact that you will volunteer for such a mission. If you like I will post your names as an addendum to this story. I would advise you to get your affairs in order, the likely codicil doctors use when speaking of a terminal illness, because, believe me, you are about to be terminal.

Now you volunteers when you get over in ISIS country, you will face a rather rough time of it. Just remember they want to punish you before you die, and you thought dying was punishment enough. Really?

What about three days staked out in the desert to get the punishment started? You might get lucky and only have two. They certainly don’t want you to die before they are ready for you to die.

Iran thinks all Americans are spies, and I don’t think ISIS thinks any differently. To those of you who complained about us waterboarding terrorists here to gain very valuable information, ISIS is not concerned about waterboarding being politically incorrect. ISIS may have even better methods for extracting information, which means worse conditions for you.

By this time you will be half dead, but the only thing that matters to ISIS is that you are alive Americans. There will be no better propaganda for ISIS than Americans pleading for their lives. So don’t do it. You didn’t think too much about Americans who would be killed by ISIS who infiltrated the Syrian refugees coming to this country. Those innocent Americans who didn’t realize they were about to die only seconds before they were killed by the ISIS infiltrators.

So you, my volunteers, must be of strong will and body. The body portion I have already covered. The will portion covers your fortitude through all of this. You must not stand up there and say you have converted to Islam and ISIS to save your hide. You must be brave and project to the world you are still Americans, and will be Americans as long as you live which will shortly be taken care of.

Then we come to the big ceremony, the lopping off of heads. Remember, my volunteers, you are a prized possession in the hands of ISIS. You will be noted as no others they have executed in this manner. Your names and addresses will be printed out on a piece of paper, and put in the sand in front of you, so you can be identified, and there will be much pomp and circumstance before the grand finale. You will get to watch the executions as they proceed down the line.

I look forward to receiving the names and addresses of my volunteers, and the fact that you, and you only, resolved the Syrian refugee crisis. I will give you full credit on my site.

All Americans, liberal, conservative, and independent stand united as one in thanking you.

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