Yall Versus Y’all. Help. I’m under siege by the grammarians. I joined a social media group and mentioned yall, and they’re after me.
Never in the history of mankind or womankind has an apostrophe, or lack of, meant so much to so many.
They’re coming from all sides. In days of yore I wrote about our outstanding police force in our medium municipality. I purposely left out mention of the swat team, and told the chief I would like to do a separate story on them when he considered the raid was right. I expect that phone call any day now when he will tell me this is the time to write about our swat team. Naturally I’ll tell him I’ll be right over, whereupon he will inform me that is not necessary, because the swat team should be battering down my front door at that very minute.
Through the broken door, I did see the exterminator. I wonder whose house he’s looking for?
That helicopter hovering overhead seems to be from one of the national networks.
And those people marching up and down in front of my house are carrying signs. Wait a minute I can read them now. “Apostrophe.”
And that ferocious-looking pit bull coming up the driveway. I wonder if his name is Apostrophe?
I have been known to invent a word as I journeyed down the highway of words, and found none in the dictionary to quite describe what I meant. Maybe you could call it phonetic realism as opposed to specific spelling. I don’t know.
I didn’t see anyone getting excited when Lewis Grizzard used necked and nekkid because necked didn’t quite carry out his whole thought. Nekkid is not in the dictionary.
It’s obvious the contentions are with the word yall. People say that’s not a word. It should be y’all. No one up to this point has listened to my side of the equation, and if you’re reading this, you are listening to my side of the equation.
We all know y’all is a contraction of you all. Now what does that give us? There’s you, and there’s all. To me that sounds like you is on this side of the room, and all are on the other side of the room, and they’re not speaking to each other, are in fact mad at each other for I have no idea, and they will certainly never get together.
My momma taught me never to be standoffish (I think that means snobbish), and to mix in and be sociable. I don’t think she ever envisioned the social media network grinding me up and spitting me out.
Now yall is a much friendlier word, all connected where you don’t have to stand in two different locations. In fact you’re right in the middle of everybody, and nobody is asking you to leave. People accept you for whom you are, and don’t ask you if you came with an apostrophe. I got the impression if you came with an apostrophe, they would kick you right out of their conference.
As soon as I learn my execution day, I’ll email you, that is if they let me email. They say I can invite whomever I choose to come. I’m inviting all the yalls, but none of the y’alls.
Fats Domino sang it best, “Ain’t that a Shame.” Is ain’t a word?